


soldier mentality

by solace404



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Character Death, Character Study, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Dadza, Family Angst, Family Dynamics, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Respawn, hurt/comfort in flashbacks, no beta we die like l'manburg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27064063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solace404/pseuds/solace404
Summary: it's kill or be killed. it's always been kill or be killed.or; technoblade is faced with a moral dilemma and relies on the past for the future.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	1. Young Warrior

The familiar rush of fear crashed through him. He hadn't felt like this in a long, long time. He'd given up the fear a long time ago. 

His eyes scanned the crowd, roughly a dozen citizens sat, anticipating and watching his every move. Three members of the crowd were garbed in shimmering netherite armor, the rest were not forces to be reckoned with either. He turned back to the stars of the show: President Schlatt, Vice President Quackity, and ~~Right Hand Man~~ Tubbo. President Schlatt was talking to him, an evil grin stretching across his face, his goat horns shining in the sunlight. Technoblade couldn't make out a single word. He knew what he had to do though, and he knew that he had to do it. 

He thinks back to the first time he had to make this sacrifice: 

_This high in the sky, even as the air bit at his throat and lungs every time he took a breath, the sun was unforgiving. Sweat ran down the young boy's face as he ran from another boy, perhaps even younger than Techno himself. The sun attacked his eyes as he scanned the area, mind running 100 miles per hour. He saw something ahead in his path, a three meter gap between this and the next sky island. Technoblade took a deep, painful breath as he reached the ledge. Life was in slow motion, he absently thought about how 'slow motion' is one fo the brain's survival techniques. The landing was off by an inch, when he hit the ground he skinned his knee and ripped his leather pants on the rocky surface bellow him, he couldn't feel the pain yet but he would later._

_The young warrior recovered quickly, popping up and analyzing the new environment. In the distance he could see three children, who couldn't be older than him, fighting with iron swords. The boy's observations were interrupted by a scream (_ a scream that still lives in Technoblade's nightmares _). He whipped around and looked frantically for the source. His eyes settled on the cliff side. Only two small hands were visible, white from the effort of holding on to the ledge. The rock dug into the soft flesh of the warrior's hands, but the boy prevailed._

 _For what seemed like an eternity, Technoblade stood there. The boy bellow him begged for his life, spouting pleads and promises that fell on deaf ears. From a young age warriors had a phrase beat into their head;_ it's kill or be killed. _The boy knew that, Technoblade knew that._

_The next minute was a blur. Boots crushed the bones in boyish fingers. Haunting screams rang through the sky arena._

_"You did what you had to, I'm proud of you, pig." Is what his mentor said to him when he won._

* * *

"Technoblade kill him right the fuck now." President Schlatt's voice boomed, bringing the warrior back to reality.

_kill or be killed. kill or be killed. kill or be killed. kill or be killed. kill or be killed._

He didn't look at Tubbo, it was easier that way. 


	2. Hero of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy the a selfless hero, and Technoblade the selfish pig. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actual dialogue and a little bit of plot wow

Mangled bodies cluttered the ground, blood and ash painted a gruesome picture. It had gotten out of hand, but he did what he had to. They would have killed him if he didn't do it first.

Smoke stung his throat and the all too familiar stench of blood churned his stomach. He'd never gotten used to the smell of blood, and after years of avoiding it, he's been weakened to it's nauseating effects once again. He kept an ice cold expression on his face, a face that was covered in blood and gore, and walked with confidence. Warriors who showed weakness were easy targets. 

The pink haired warrior's sense were on high alert. He knew that after a battle, when your target is weak and dazed, was the most ideal time to sneak up and assassinate them. He's made the mistake of relaxing after a battle, before reaching the safety of his home, once and only once. It had cost him his life.

Dying is the only thing Technoblade is afraid of, and will take all means nessecary to avoid it. Even if, to an extent, death is temporary. 

He'd made it to Pogtopia, down the stairways, and into the caverns before he was confronted by the last person he wanted to see. Tommy. 

Tommy's face was pale with anger, his eyes were as cold as prismarine bricks deep in ocean temples. Tommy has always had a strong moral compass, always put himself before others- something Technoblade never learned to do. The blonde teen and Techno were polar opposites. Technoblade, a warrior scared of death and ruthless on the battle field. Tommy, a revolutionist with a brave heart. 

Despite their differences, Tommy was one of the few people Techno put before himself. 

"Tommy." He greeted, acting casual. Maybe if he avoided it, they could pretend like nothing happened.

( _Philza told him a long time ago that saying this was no way to deal with his problems. The pig politely disagreed_.) 

The boy's anger only increased. "You killed Tubbo." 

Technoblade held back a wince ( _if he winced, Tommy would know he was weak. He would kill Techno._ )

"Straight to the point, I see." He let out a nervous chuckle. 

"Technoblade.." Tommy almost sounded like a kid again, "You- I thought you were on our side."

"They were going to kill me."

"SO YOU KILL TUBBO INSTEAD?" The boy shouted in rage, tears were welling up in his blue eyes. "Technoblade, I thought you.. I thought you were a hero." Tears finally split out of the boy's eyes, leaving a trail in his dirt covered face. 

"I've never been a hero, Toms" Technoblade said, holding back his emotions.

"You're so selfish, Technoblade. You- You- I HATE YOU" Tommy lashed out, grabbing Technoblade by the shoulders. 

The warriors instincts kicked in. _He's angry. He's touching you. He's going to kill you._

Within an instant Tommy was knocked to the ground and Technoblade had his sword drawn, chest heaving. The boy on the ground was stunned before his face morphed into one of disgust and betrayal. Techno was almost caught off guard. 

"I did what I had to, alright?" He tried his hardest to keep a stable voice, "I'm not like you Tommy." 

"What does that mean?" Tommy demanded.

"I'm.. I wasn't taught what is right and what is wrong, Tommy. I didn't grow up pampered with the privilege of morals." With that, the pig walked away, leaving Tommy to scream curses at him. 

* * *

_"YOU MONSTER!" A woman with greying hair and grey eyes spat at him. He took it, he deserved it. Even if he didn't deserve it, he was never one to be angered by people's words. The young warrior had this this woman's son's blood on his hands. "I THOUGHT WARRIORS WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT! YOU - YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH, NO GOOD BEAST!"_

_"We aren't heroes." He started, avoiding eye contact with the grieving mother. "We're simply unfortunate kids who fight for advantage of those richer than us, under the illusion we're doing something great."_

_This made the woman sob harder, her rag covered chest heaving and stuttering._

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first mcyt fic :D i hope you enjoyed!


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